Engage your Marriage

I spent last weekend with one of my best friends who is also a small group leader here at the Summit. As often happens when I am around him, he really challenged me to step my game up spiritually. This time it was in the area of my marriage and he did so simply through sharing how he is trying to be obedient to God’s call to lead and love his wife well. I asked him to type out what he told me so that you can benefit from it as well. Be encouraged, Nate Gilmore is a numbers guy so he knows how to get to the point. In fact, his post may be shorter than the introduction I just gave him!

Guest Blogger: Nate Gilmore
As a parent of young children, it’s no secret that my spare time has
dramatically decreased over the last few years.  During this time, I’ve
always understood the importance of taking a break from the daily grind
to go on regular dates with my wife.  What I’ve only recently begun to
grasp is how important it is to be purposeful with our dates.

I realize that just because someone has been married a long time, it
does not necessarily mean that they enjoy a deep intimacy and knowledge
of one another.  It takes intentional effort to get to know your spouse
over the course of your marriage to attain this.  If we simply follow
the natural course of life, instead of growing closer to one another we
will end up drifting apart.  A good marriage doesn’t just happen, it
takes work!

This year, my wife and I have been reading The Search for Significance,
by Robert McGee.  We discuss a chapter or two of the book on each of our
dates.  This has been a practical way to give our dates a spiritual
focus.  Our times together have been rich and meaningful.  (The book has
also gone hand in hand with J.D.’s Sabotage sermon series.)

A Small Group Idea

I told all of our group leaders about an idea I am trying out this week in our SummitLIFE group. Right now our group is made up of all married couples. We didnt try to look like that, but that’s what we are right now so I have been looking for ways to capitalize on that (always look for ways to capitalize on the uniqueness of your group!). I’ve been trying to think of ways I can communicate that we need to place a high priority on maintaining healthy marriages & encouraging one another in those marriages. I’ve done the marriage study thing though and have found sometimes just talking about marriage is not very effective.

So tonight, for our small group meeting, each of the guys in my group is taking his woman on a date…Well, some of them are. The couples without kids have graciously agreed to my request to babysit for those who do have children so they can go out. THAT IS A GROUP CARING FOR ONE ANOTHER BABY! Honestly that (people serving eachother) is the part I am most excited about. So for those couples they will go out another night this week.

So, the guys are taking their women out. The goal here is to create an opportunity for a “win” for the couples in my group. A “win” is a good experience applying the gospel to an area of your life. As a small group leader, I feel like one of my duties as a group leader is to create those opportunities for my people to have great experiences seeing the gospel at work in their lives. That’s why our groups partner with a community ministry and support a church planter. So that there are built in opportunities to put the gospel at work in through loving other people. For my group right now, I want them to not just “think about” how the gospel applies to their marriage, but actually APPLY the gospel to their marriage. I want them to admire, show affection to, and sacrificially love their spouses and a date night is a great way to do that.

We aren’t just going out either…oh no… I gave them an “on-the-date” assignment. 5 questions they have to discuss. Just to try and pitch them a home-run ball you know. Here are the questions:

1. What is the coolest / impactful insight you’ve learned from God this week?

   2. What do you find most attractive about your spouse?

   3. What are our big-picture dreams for how God could minister to people through our family?

   4. Where…anywhere reasonable…could we go for our next Husband-Wife getaway? What is keeping us from planning it? What steps can we take now to overcome those obstacles?
   
   

   5. Husband to wife: What do you want for dessert? Because I am splurging tonight baby!