Engage your Marriage

I spent last weekend with one of my best friends who is also a small group leader here at the Summit. As often happens when I am around him, he really challenged me to step my game up spiritually. This time it was in the area of my marriage and he did so simply through sharing how he is trying to be obedient to God’s call to lead and love his wife well. I asked him to type out what he told me so that you can benefit from it as well. Be encouraged, Nate Gilmore is a numbers guy so he knows how to get to the point. In fact, his post may be shorter than the introduction I just gave him!

Guest Blogger: Nate Gilmore
As a parent of young children, it’s no secret that my spare time has
dramatically decreased over the last few years.  During this time, I’ve
always understood the importance of taking a break from the daily grind
to go on regular dates with my wife.  What I’ve only recently begun to
grasp is how important it is to be purposeful with our dates.

I realize that just because someone has been married a long time, it
does not necessarily mean that they enjoy a deep intimacy and knowledge
of one another.  It takes intentional effort to get to know your spouse
over the course of your marriage to attain this.  If we simply follow
the natural course of life, instead of growing closer to one another we
will end up drifting apart.  A good marriage doesn’t just happen, it
takes work!

This year, my wife and I have been reading The Search for Significance,
by Robert McGee.  We discuss a chapter or two of the book on each of our
dates.  This has been a practical way to give our dates a spiritual
focus.  Our times together have been rich and meaningful.  (The book has
also gone hand in hand with J.D.’s Sabotage sermon series.)

Who Me?

From Guest Blogger and SummitLIFE group leader Bonnie Shrum:

Two years ago, if you had told me that I would be mentoring and discipling a group of young women in their 20’s, I would have said you were crazy. Not me. What do I know? What do I have to share? I don’t have books of the Bible memorized, I can’t debate election, and I can’t tell you the addresses for the few verses I do know. But God had a greater plan, and thankfully this dumb sheep listened. Over the last two years, I’ve had nine different young women in my life and it’s been one of my greatest joys.

I am a firm believer in women doing life together with other women. Getting lots of estrogen together and surviving each other’s mood swings is a vivid reminder of God’s unfailing love for me through the gospel. And praying together, not just for each other, but for the Summit and for our world, helps me to engage in God’s kingdom purposes and not focus on ME. Digging into God’s word together and wrestling with life grows us deep, knits us together as sisters in Christ and strengthens our faith. But that kind of transparency just doesn’t happen – it’s deliberate.

Our group has made a commitment to each other. Each year, we commit to make our group a priority, and missing a study for the sake of missing isn’t an option. It’s pretty hard to create accountability when you have to retell your story week after week because someone wasn’t there. We learn scripture together. Each of us comes with one memorized verse a week, and we accumulate verses during our study. Right now, we’re in a 25 week study, and at the end of that time we’ll have 25 verses that we have to say to each other. After two years as a group, we each have learned over 100 verses! That forces us to be in the Word and allow it to penetrate our hearts during the week. And we ask each other the hard spiritual questions like “How many quiet times did you have this week?” and “How would you rate them on a scale of 1 to 10”. Almost always, when one of our ladies is struggling, the first question asked is “How is your time with the Lord?” We schedule social time together, we serve our community together, and we make it a priority to get to know and pray for one another.

These ladies have made me feel wiser than I ever dreamed I could be, cooler than I ever thought I would be, and humbled more than I would have been without them in my life. As much as I love them, I have the sense that it’s time to kick them out of the nest. The time may be coming to deliberately end our small group. We’re all getting too comfortable. So we’re entering into what may be our last year together, before I send them out to mentor other women. Like me, they have so much to offer other ladies, but they are stuck on the “Who me?” question.

Most men, when asked to take on a challenge or even a job promotion, don’t ask “Who me?” They ask, “When can I start?” But the reality is that most women have been taught to be humble and so we say “Oh no, I couldn’t” or “I’m just not qualified”. The reality is that none of us are qualified, for apart from Christ we can do nothing. But we CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens us. So get out there! Dare to believe that God not only can use you, but wants to use you to advance His kingdom purposes. Start a small group. Do it prayerfully, but do it confidently and with a plan. And women, I’m calling specifically on you – DARE to walk life with other women, DARE to believe God. Then stand back and watch Him work.

From the keyboard of a group leader

This is the first in what I hope to be regular appearances by our group leaders here on the blog.

Guest blogger: Josh Dyson, SummitLIFE Group Leader

When Spence asked me to write about my experiences as the leader of a new SummitLIFE group, I was excited. Eventually, at least – I was actually nervous at first, but now I see it as a good way for me to review where we are as a group, pray about our future with a better sense of direction, and praise God for what he’s done in and through us so far. I hope this encourages you to do the same.

My wife and I started our SummitLIFE group at GroupLink a few months ago. Our group was formed based solely on geographical location, so at the end of the evening, I was sitting in a circle with my wife and a bunch of girls I had never met before. I say girls because there were no guys in our group at the end of GroupLink, except for me. Most of these people had never been in a small group before, were new to the Summit, and didn’t know the other people sitting across from them any more than I did. The early struggles were obvious ones – how do you get a group of strangers to open up and have meaningful discussion about the Bible when they don’t even know each other’s names? As the most willing talker in the group, how do I keep from dominating the discussion? How to I balance that challenge with the awkward silence that’s almost guaranteed to be there? How can I get some more dudes to this thing?

While it is going to take some time for people to get comfortable in a small group, there were a few things that helped us along that might help you. We built a “social” time into our meetings; the first 15 minutes are for people to get in, get settled, grab a cookie, and make some small talk. I think that lasted about 5 minutes the first week. Now I have to cut it short every week. In addition to that social time, we’ve also spent some time just hanging out and having fun. I think it’s built a sense of trust and friendship into our group that really helps us get past the awkwardness. By the way, we ended up getting some guys, too.

Another huge bonus was the “Why Small Groups?” material that all new SummitLIFE groups go through. It was easy to study, it takes a little load off of the new leader in figuring out what to study, and it gives the whole group a unified vision for why you’re all there. Having that vision helps them participate in a meaningful way. It has given us something to look back on and see how we’re doing as a group. But it also challenges your group to be more than just something you do on Tuesday nights.

One of the things I’m still praying will happen is for more people to play an active role in our small group. We’ve filled a couple of those roles, but I’d really like to see some other people lead discussion or prayer time, or maybe even rotate hosting, or take the lead in coordinating our outreach. In fact, just writing this has reminded me to renew the invitation to get involved to our group members. Also, make sure they know that it’s not about lightening the load on the leader – it’s about their own spiritual maturity. We don’t need them to serve; they need to serve.

One of the most rewarding things about this new group is watching God at work in these people and the people they know. We’ve seen coworkers cared for in a time of crisis, we’ve seen a neighborhood get new clotheslines, and we’ve seen people who were too nervous to talk or pray in front of others help us all dig into God’s word, and believe God on our behalf in prayer. I know I had nothing to do with that growth and change in people; I was just an instrument. But it doesn’t make it any less awesome to see God at work. All praise, honor, and glory to him!